Epic Rap Battles of Fiction
by David Noklevername
Summary: Based off 'Epic Rap Battles of History'. We pit two fictional heroes against each other in a battle! But, not a normal battle... a rap battle!
1. Yugi Muto vs Ash Ketchum

**Epic Rap Battles of Fiction**

_**YUGI MUTO...**_

A spiky-haired teenage boy stands in front of the swirling purple backdrop of the Shadow Realm. His necklace, a shimmering golden upside-down pyramid on a chain, shines enough to illuminate the area around him. He stands determined, shuffling a deck of cards in his hand.

_**VERSUS...**_

_**ASH KETCHUMMMMMMMMM!**_

Though tiny, the young Ash Ketchum puts up the image of a man ready for battle. Standing in the middle of a live forest, bustling with life, he shakes his body, readying himself for confrontation. His hat, white and red with 'ERBF' stitched into the front, is tugged down to cover his eyes.

_**BEGIN!**_

_Yugi Muto:_

_I'll fry Ash Ketchup..._

_Slice up Satoshi!_

_C'mon Geodude,_

_You can't step up to me!_

_Took you dozens of movies,_

_Over six series,_

_And you've only beaten one league!_

_I'm the King of Games,_

_your rhymes are lamer_

_than your videogames!_

_Kaiba,_

_Jonouichi,_

_I've beat them all!_

_You're still too dumb to tell a donut from a riceball!_

_Because unlike you..._

_I actually have a mind._

_Your skills are worse_

_than your friend Brock's pickup lines!_

In response, Ash puts a hand on the duck of his hat, pulling it up to reveal his face. He smirks pridefully, and begins his reply...

_Ash Ketchum:_

_So,_

_buddy,_

_gonna try to mess with me?_

_let's see the Kuriboh_

_try to take down a lucario!_

_Your monsters are weak,_

_they're not even real._

_Try to stand up against Pikachu and me..._

_and your ridiculous two foot hair will light up like a Magnemite!_

_Y'know,_

_having an old man inside you,_

_not an accomplishment._

_All your wins come from him,_

_you're just some nerd,_

_with a puzzle,_

_in your grampa's basement._

_Now, it's time to end this shit..._

_Go...!_

Ash, taking the Pokeball in his right hand, spins around climactically, before launching it at his opponent in the Shadow Realm.

_Fuck yourself!_

The Pokeball collides with Yugi's face... he covers it, and, a blinding light bursts out of his necklace, the Millenium Puzzle. By the time Ash opens his eyes again, the light had disappeared, as had Yugi. He was replaced with an older version of himself, the ancient pharaoh, Atom!

_Atom:_

_You're a prepubescent prick,_

_Voice of a little girl._

_More feminine than Misty,_

_Smaller dick than her too._

_You wanna try to come at Atom?_

_I'll bitch smack you harder than Mewtwo!_

_My monsters will_

_Crush you,_

_Cut you,_

_feed you to Kaiba's Blue Eyes, too!_

_Because Konami does what Nintendon't._

_All you are, kid, are a dumbass Game Freak!_

_You're trying to diss,_

_my Millenium Bling,_

_because you're too poor homeless hobo ass can't afford a single thing!_

_Now, I'm a busy man,_

_so I'll leave you with one thing..._

_the back of my pimp hand, bitch!_

Ash glares at Atom, who stands with a self-satisfied smirk. The Pokemon Trainer adjusts his hat so it sits straight, and sets himself to make a come back.

_Ash Ketchum:_

_I'm the very best,_

_like no one ever was!_

_To beat your ass,_

_is not a test,_

_but it IS my cause!_

_Your rhyming is worse than your 4Kids dub._

_Maybe they'll censor me choking you out?_

_The only thing good to come from your show,_

_is the abridged version_

_from little Kuriboh!_

_Still livin' with your grampa,_

_while I travel the world!_

_Dawn, Misty, May,_

_Next your Tea._

_I'm the biggest pimp in the Pokeworld!_

_Grab your little notebook, take a lesson,_

_from the Pokemaster,_

_Ash motherfucking Ketchum!_

**WHO WON?**

**WHO'S NEXT?**

**YOU DECIDE!**

* * *

Behind the Scenes~

Hope you enjoyed the first Epic Rap Battle of Fiction. It's inspired by the popular Youtube series, 'Epic Rap Battles of History', where two historical (and rarely, fictional) characters rap against each other. If you haven't seen it, watch it! It's currently in its third season.

This is just some dumb thing I whipped up, for three reasons: One, I'm incredibly bored. Two, I felt like putting up a new series. Three, hey, it seems fun!

I'm sure there are plenty more people doing this, but, may as well throw out my own version. This is just kind of a side project, so, don't expect constant updates. But, they'll still be here.

Anyways, some things about this rap battle. This was originally going to be someone else (hint: two literary legends, both major fandoms on this site, most popular with teenaged girls of their respective times!) but I decided to just get on and write this one, instead.

Originally, Atom was going to have a line about wanting Ash to 'be like that other hero, and shut the fuck up!' In reference to Pokemon's other protagonists, specifically with Red in mind. Yet, I decided not to include it, as it didn't work for pacing, and I couldn't phrase it well enough. Another line was going to be:

_Try to stand up against Pikachu and me..._

_You're gonna need a helluva lot of Revives!_

Anyways, goodbye! Remember to review, tell me who won, and suggest some battles for the future! Thanks!


	2. Ronald McDonald vs Pennywise the Clown

**Epic Rap Battles of Fiction**

_**RONALD MCDONALD...**_

The white, red, and yellow symbol and spokesperson of the McDonalds corporation sits in front of one of his thousands of locations. A grin plastered on his face, he lays on a bench, one leg up on it. Two girls, having their faces made up like Ronald, and wearing the same apparel, have Ronald's arms wrapped around them.

**_VERSUS..._**

**_PENNYWIIIIIIISE!_**

All that can be seen of Pennywise is his head, as he looks up through a storm drain. However, this is all you need to see to be utterly horrified... at first glance, he appears to look like a regular clown. But, when he smiles, his razor sharp, rotted teeth come into view...

**_BEGIN!_**

_Ronald McDonald:_

_I represent America's trademark pasttime..._

_Eating!_

_You represent what my food looks like the next day..._

_HEY!_

_Now you, Pennywise,_

_should be ashamed._

_A spider,_

_Who got offed by a slingshot?_

_Insane!_

_You're like a lame boss_

_from one of those Zelda games!_

_So, hurry,_

_Mr. Curry,_

_get out of my way!_

_I'll crush your sweet transevstite ass..._

_And sprinkle it on some fat kid's shake!_

Pennywise, breathing deeply, still smiling menacingly, motions for Ronald to come closer with his gloved, red-stained hand.

_Pennywise:_

_C'mon Ronny,_

_take a step into the street..._

_Take a look into my eyes..._

_Take a look at these teeth..._

_I don't float..._

_I'm fly..._

_Step to me, clown..._

_And you will die..._

_I'm the Maine man..._

_Created by the King, man..._

_I'm the face of terror..._

_In the hearts of thousands..._

_You're the face of attacks..._

_In the hearts of billions..._

_You're more of a sellout than Krusty the Klown..._

_Worse jokes than him too..._

_Why don't you stop clowning around..._

_And ride your slaughter cows out of MY FUCKING TOWN?!_

Showing no effort, Pennywise bends the bars of the storm drain back enough for him to exit the storm drain. He slinks out, and steps on to the street. Ronald doesn't show any change in emotion, instead just laughing in his usual manner.

_Ronald McDonald:_

_Pfft, my customers,_

_they eat your kind for BREAKFAST!_

_Ya got shot down by a slut,_

_a fat fuck,_

_and Seth Green!_

_A million lawsuits couldn't put a stop to me!_

_You think you ruin kid's lives?_

_I spread diabetes like my burger's special sauce!_

_You spread bullshit to all the kids on the block!_

_All you got in your arsenal is balloons!_

_I've got a deadly Grimace..._

_And a Hamburglar, too!_

_My posse gets more pussy_

_than my cookery!_

_You wanna mouth off to Mr. McDonald?_

_Fuck off, Jack-off!_

_You're just a lazy Joker-lovecraft knockoff!_

_So go jump off_

_a Castle Rock!_

The Monster Clown twitches slightly, and a hand shoots out of his stomach, jetting toward Ronald. It grabs one of the girls, and drags her over to the street. Pennywise grabs her by the shoulders, and digs his teeth into her.

_Pennywise:_

_HAW HAW HAW!_

_VERY FUNNY, FUCK!_

_Y'know, Ronald..._

_You're really pushin' your luck..._

_I'll rip your ass up,_

_like I did to that kid Wendy..._

_Tear you to pieces..._

_like I do to my Kid's meals!_

_HAW HAW!_

_Am I scaring you now?_

_You poor excuse for a clown..._

_I eat battery acid!_

_So, yeah, I've got a pop at your restraunt!_

_I'm always in the ball pit..._

_Never let your guard down..._

_Cause if you do..._

_PENNYWISE IS GONNA BE A FULL CLOWN!_

_**WHO WON?**_

_**WHO'S NEXT?**_

_**YOU DECIDE!**_

* * *

Behind the Scenes~

Hey! Whipped up a new chapter. Not the biggest fan of this battle, but, hey, it was fun to write. Originally, Ronald was going to be a lot scarier... Pennywise was going to be TERRIFIED of him!

This is the first of three planned 'horror' battles... or, at least, supernatural. Jinkies, gang. Jinkies and sparkles, oh my.

Thank you to Triforce P, Misty Rain the Female Warrior, and Chap2845 for favoriting and following this fic!

_'Yo dawg, imma let you finish, but Deadpool is gonna be the best rapper of all time! Of all time!' - The Merc With a Mouth_


	3. Green lantern vs Vegeta

_Epic Rap Battle of Fiction_

_THE GREEN LANTERN..._

Floating in space, a constellation forming the words 'ERB' in the far distance, Hal Jordan smirks contently. His armor is a bright, shimmering green, in addition to a pitch black. His arm is raised, as he flips his opponent off, the famous Green Lantern ring positioned on his finger.

_VERSUS..._

_PRINCE VEGETAAAAAAAAA!_

Arms crossed, the Prince of the Saiyans and one of the few surviving members of his species glares at the other rapper. It takes all of his restraint not to jump up and punch Hal in the face. Vegeta stands in front of a tiny Japanese house, a sprawling field of hills behind him, the sun rising.

_BEGIN!_

_Green Lantern:_

_Yo, it's the Green Lantern here!_

_This prissy prince is gonna get his ass kicked,_

_by the man without fear!_

_Back to back up,_

_my pal Superman,_

_to wreck an ammateur alien's ass again!_

XXX

_Time for another rap off..._

_DC beating another Super Saiyan jack off..._

_So back off,_

_before I blast off..._

_And when I'm in space,_

_I'll make a Green fist,_

_and smash in your little constipated face..._

_Blow the mind of Prince Vegeta's 'Master race'!_

XXX

_Face it Vegeta!_

_The Green lantern is Cooler than Frieza,_

_bigger than Majin Buu!_

_I'll whip up an imaginary green shoe,_

_and absolutely, mother fucking crush you!_

The Saiyan prince raises an eyebrow toward Hal, a long pause occuring between the two. Finally, after registering Hal's speech, Vegeta crafts a response.

_Vegeta:_

_..._

_You can't be serious._

_Of all of Earth's champions,_

_I have to step up against YOU?!_

_You're Parallax's whore..._

_Your lines are a bore..._

_I'd rather stare at a DOOR for an hour and a half,_

_then watch your movie anymore!_

XXX

_Kame..._

_Hama..._

_HA!_

_You make me laugh._

_Your weakness is wood?_

_How ironic is THAT?_

_With your boyfriend, Green Arrow,_

_always playing with his shaft..._

_Sure, sure, I can hear you contest._

_'I'm Just-his friend!' you obsess,_

_That excuse is as flimsy,_

_as your puny ring's defense!_

Hal Jordan simply chuckles, a smile on his face.

_Green Lantern:_

_Bitch, please! You're so boring,_

_I might just take a nap-pa._

_You call me gay?_

_Sure, ask my new bitch Bulma._

_She hopped on my jet,_

_and kissed my green ring bling..._

_Took a ride on my rocket,_

_and, hey... you don't hear me complain._

XXX

_I can create anything I want,_

_but I don't see a single scene,_

_where this genocidal punk ass,_

_can outrap thee!_

_I'm an intergalactic pimp,_

_man, I'm made out of green!_

_And despite what Kermit said,_

_it's kickass being me._

Hal's opponent crosses his arms, appearing completely disinterested in the lantern's verse. He crosses his arms, and begins his retort.

_Vegeta:_

_You want to know how many Green Lantern asses I've kicked,_

_in the painfully-slow time you spit that rhyme?_

_I'll let the internet give you a hint..._

_IT'S OVER..._

_NINE..._

_THOUSAND!_

XXX

_Now that we've got that line out of the way,_

_I'm out! I'm done!_

_(... I need to get my pay...)_

_It's already clear that I've won._

_But, to cement my victory..._

_I've got my magical homeboy to rap for me!_

A long pause occurs. Vegeta's arms are still crossed, his eyes are shut, and a smirk has crept on his face, as if to say that he was sure victory was already in his gloved hands. Hal, who was previously preparing himself for an ambush, as the Justice League had a history with 'magic' foes. After the lengthy break, he ends the silence.

"Uh... Vegeta, buddy, I don't think your 'homeboy' is coming." He chuckles, looking down at the Prince.

Vegeta responds with a smirk, "You're right, he isn't coming..." he responds, "He's already here."

"Wait, wha-" Behind Hal, two stars transform into bright white eyes, and two large red lips appear under those eyes. Out of the pitch black oblivion of space, a being forms, a turban on his head and a red vest on his body. The heavenly being, Mr. Popo, bear hugs Hal from behind, and the two start crashing down on to the Earth.

They crash at the house behind Vegeta, destroying it, Hal taking almost all of the impact, Vegeta blocking himself from the debris. Mr. Popo stands up, and stares down at the fallen lantern.

_Mr. Popo:_

_Oh, no,_

_It's Mr. Popo!_

_I'm here!_

_Hide your wives..._

_hide your kids..._

_or I'll feed off their delicious tears!_

XXX

_I'll elbow drop your ass down to hell..._

_and nuke your city._

_You already did?_

_Hm, such a pity._

_Your family, your friends, they've all been killed!_

_Now, I'll only kill you verbally..._

_Your soul will be a lot more tasty,_

_after revelling in misery!_

XXX

_Unfortunately, I must leave..._

_I'm in a hurry._

_Billions more to slaughter,_

_to quench my thirst,_

_and cement my spot in history._

_Don't worry, dear Hal..._

_I'll see you in your dreams..._

_while this rap may be over,_

_you'll never be rid of me..._

* * *

BEHIND THE SCENES~

There's a number of behind the scenes things I want to talk about this episode! First, is a few pieces of 'What could have been'. Originally, Vegeta was going to rap against Akuma, the infamous Street Fighter. There were four reasons I set him up against good 'ol Hal instead. I know more about him, another, more iconic Street Fighter is set for an appearance, I feel he's better matched for Vegeta, (a cocky, space-based character... formerly a villain, now a hero. Involved in a casually racist series.) and, I'll get to the final reason later.

Akuma wasn't the only opponent that was originally going to show up in this battle. Originally, Vegeta's 'homeboy' was going to be Frieza! I decided against this, because Mr. Popo is more fun to write, and, Vegeta wasn't allied with Frieza for the majority of the series.

Thanks to Guest!Slenderman, for your review. Based off your suggestion, (Wei Shen of Sleeping Dogs, versus Roman of GTA.) that's an interesting idea, but I probably won't do it. While I recognize who Roman is, and I know a slight amount of Watch Dogs, I've never played a game from either series. I don't know, there's a possibility, but it's unlikely.

By the way, does anybody have any ideas for who Spider-Man could go up against? When I was first theorizing this series, he was going to go against Superman, but then he turned up in an actual ERB. There's a total overdose of Marvel heroes in this season, (I've started writing battles for two of them.) but, dammit, maybe he can get in season two.

Anyways, the last reason I pitted Vegeta against Hal. I'm trying to diversify my range of stories, and, that includes action/comedy stories. So, an upcoming project of mine will be... 'DC vs DBZ'. The DC Universe crosses over with the Dragon Ball Z universe, taking 'Superman vs Goku' to a logical extent. I promise that, if Vegeta and Hal meet, there will be a brawl. This story will probably come after the first season of this series... if you have any requests on what you want to see in this series, just put 'em in a review! (And, yes, Krillin vs Batman is going to happen.)

So, yeah, that was that, another rap battle. How about you drop a review, tell me how you liked this chapter, maybe suggest a future battle! :D


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